How many of us know someone whose marriage has ended in divorce? If I were to render a guess, because of the alarming number of marriages that end in divorce, many of us can say we know someone who has gone through one. Even if we end up on the same financial page as our spouses, there are many other things that may pull a relationship apart. Marriages can end in a divorce for many reasons that may include extreme differences in the way children are disciplined, inadequate companionship, sexual infidelity, or simple changes in heart by one or both people in the relationship in general. Whatever the case may be, a divorce will on some level ultimately prevent plenty of wealth.
The most obvious way that a divorce will prevent wealth is the high costs of legal fees involved and then the ultimate division of shared property. Legal fees are additional costs on top of any separation that has taken place prior to a court filing; separations usually consist of both parties paying for a place to live and paying the associated living costs. There are filing fees, mandatory but costly parenting education classes in some states if children are involved, and the cost of individual legal consultation in many cases. In the division of shared property, whether one spouse gets everything or just an equal share, one spouse will usually have to purchase whatever it is that was given up in a settlement. Still, on top of all these costs, some sorts of alimony or child support payments are usually due to one spouse by the other. All the while, this money could have been used to grow a hefty nest egg for the couple.
The loss of income of one of the spouses or the additional expenses that may have to be incurred because a non-working spouse is no longer able to take care of children is an unfortunate reality of a divorce. For example, if one spouse was always accustomed to staying home with the children, but then is awarded custody of the children, whether sole or joint custody was awarded, he or she may now have to pay for the children’s care if he or she has to work, because child support may not be enough to support the previous lifestyle.
One sad thing about a divorce is that it is usually predictable in many signs leading up to it. The signs can be blatant or subtle, but the best person who will know what the signs are is one that is in the relationship. Some signs can be noticed if we ask simple questions such as, has one person become emotionally distant, is there an extreme slowdown in communication, has it been communicated that a partner no longer wants to be in a relationship with the other? In any case, the best way to approach any sign is to communicate and seek help early in the difficulty and do the best that we can to save the relationship. Not doing so can result in worse outcomes than we may like.
It can feel quite defeating if after seeking help and doing all that we can to prevent a divorce, efforts still seem to be failing. If the attempts have grown exhaustive, and one person is or both persons are adamant that the relationship will not work, it is usually in the couple’s best financial interest to seek an inevitable divorce before things get so bad that malicious acts and dishonesty begin manifesting in the relationship. Staying in a relationship when one person is not wanted by the other, despite all that has been done to keep a relationship strong can make an inevitable divorce worse. If a divorce must happen, it has to be as “cordial” as possible; this will be the only way to minimize how much wealth is ultimately prevented. In other words, it is almost always best to leave a relationship before sexual infidelity or extreme resentment occurs. If not, it will usually make a divorce harder than it already is.
Minimizing the Negative Financial Effects of Divorce
The point of accepting an inevitable divorce early into the signs of emotional withdrawal or before sexual infidelity, knowing that all has been done that can be done (marriage counseling, self-help books, spiritual guidance, etc.), is so that an uncontested divorce can at least be considered, depending on your state’s laws. An uncontested divorce is when both spouses agree that the marriage has come to an end and have come to a mutually satisfying agreement regarding a final divorce settlement. Furthermore, both spouses may be able to sit down and agree to a Pro Se divorce litigation. This means that the couple will individually represent themselves, without an attorney, which can cut out expensive attorney fees.
The issue with both an uncontested divorce and a Pro Se divorce litigation is that emotional and legal aspects have to be kept separate. It will be hard to keep these two aspects separated if there is a burning vengeful desire by one spouse because of the acts of the other. In that case, it is always best to seek an attorney. Issues such as dividing marital property, determining alimony, or child support and child custody can come up and can have negative consequences if not properly handled.
In the end, no one gets married knowing that the relationship will end in a divorce, but as we all know, it sometimes happens. Before doing anything spiteful or more hurtful to our partner, it is best to communicate and express true feelings early so that if a divorce ultimately takes place, it can be on the most reasonable terms that will minimize how much wealth we prevent.